


until it becomes their last breath.

by ゼロ四 - yon (arurun)



Series: breathe in, breathe out; scream. [2]
Category: Inazuma Eleven GO
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Anxiety Attacks, Coughing Blood, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Gen, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Multi, Sick Character, Supernatural Elements, Supernatural Illnesses, Synesthesia, weird body reactions to the hissatsu i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2020-06-03 16:45:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19468027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arurun/pseuds/%E3%82%BC%E3%83%AD%E5%9B%9B%20-%20yon
Summary: Even after Fifth Sector takes over and Soccer is corrupted, it happens. Taiyou's condition is just a more acknowledged case-- but Tenma wants to be the wind. Shindou's not too sure if he loves or hates music anymore; and Tsurugi's beginning to lose control. They cope, though.





	1. it winds up again.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I guess we are all kinda freaky, huh?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18046580) by [Yui_Kuromori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Kuromori/pseuds/Yui_Kuromori). 



> If you love something, you're cursed by it-- or so the myth says. Your hissatsu techniques turn against you, your specialties bite back at you. Nothing would be the same, normality would be too far away-- would you save yourself and stop right there, or would you go on despite the pain it causes you?
> 
> Tenma is a zephyr. He's also a pegasus, and he's almost a mythical hero, a legendary king. All these things make him lose himself in the midst, but he's fine. He hates Lancelot for some reason, and Tsurugi understands very well.
> 
> They know they're alright, because this time, they have everyone with them.

Aki screams.

Tenma swings more than half his body out the window, arms held precariously on the windowsill. 

His eyes are closed and his body is limp except for his arms that hold a little firmer.

He's falling down.

But he doesn't seem to realize.

Aki drags her younger cousin back in, hastily shutting the windows, and fumbles to lock it tight.

She snaps to him, ready to raise her voice-- she was _furious, upset, so scared_ \-- when she sees Tenma's face, she falters.

Her voice ends up stuck in her throat, and abruptly all thought ceases.

Tenma's eyes are still on the window-- an absorbed side glance, as if something, _something_ outside just drew him in deeper.

His heart was outside the windows, with arms spread out like wings.

When Aki calls him again, this time her voice broken and unsure-- Tenma turns to her, confused-- as if he's just noticed her there.

His eyes are in a daze, as if he didn't understand.

Aki recognizes these eyes.

Hauntingly familiar eyes-- same as that day, so long ago, when she'd found Endou at the steel tower-- it was the break of dawn, his shoulder was later known to be dislocated, his head almost knocked into mush, yet he continued to throw and be thrown by the tires.

Aki remembers feeling so broken from that confused gaze-- Endou had looked at her like he'd been told he was grounded for no reason. A victimized, confused, childlike pout, as if he desperately wanted more and Aki was interrupting something so important to him.

She immediately knows what's happening to Tenma.

All she could think about was Hiroto, who's only able to function well minimal hours a day; Aphrodi, who watches every step of his day and cleans every speck of his over-scrubbed hands; Fubuki, who staggers between life and death during summer; Gouenji with a breathing tube at his nose; Kidou, who lives off overdosing pills; Kazemaru, who's going through speech therapy just to _live;_ and then Endou. _Endou--_

Just thinking of Tenma's smile, and how much it resembled _him_ \--

The similarities drive her to tears, because he's seen that same laughter break down into screams before, and it's going to happen _again_.

She cried herself to sleep that night,

because she knows that this time, she can't stop them either.


	2. to pass the baton on.

Somehow, the symptoms show before they’ve even gained some of the abilities necessary.

It would only be many months down the line, that Tenma would understand that he wanted to fly because he was a pegasus. He would only understand another few weeks later that he has nightmares of being betrayed, impaled, assassinated-- because, once upon a time, he was a king.

In fact, Tenma’s been feeling the symptoms for so long, it was only when he met Coach Endou that it hit him.

_ Ah _ , he thinks,  _ this isn’t a normal thing-- and that’s what this is. _

There’s not a lot wrong with Coach Endou if you don’t look closely, but Tenma knows what to look for. And once you know what to look for-- it’s a glaring, huge sign that something is wrong there.

There’s a gentle line across his face that, when you find it, doesn’t match up with the rest of his skin. It’s makeup, and with that as a guide, you can see the bags that sink deep under his eyes.

His smile is tired. Sharp, bright, but  _ tired _ .

When Tenma shakes his hand, for a startling, painful second, he felt like he was holding the whole world inside that palm. 

It was heavy. Calloused, rough-- but tight.

His expressions stiffen immediately, and it takes all he has to not cry. He’s always been the kind to cry easily-- but what is this? What is this? _What is this?_

What has this guy been through?

He doesn’t know, and he’s honestly a little scared to know.

He curls up into his blanket, fearing the day when he would be in that place-- seeing something short of a nightmare, looking so many years older than he had any right to be-- hurt, broken, but still so prideful and still so strong.


	3. to be gravity that locks your ground.

If Tenma is the Wind, Shinsuke is the Earth.

From the very moment they meet, Shinsuke knows that they have a synergy. It’s in the way they both look up at the sky and think that they don’t belong where they are-- and in the way Tenma casts him a look every now and then, wondering why he doesn’t fly.

Shinsuke can leap and soar, but he chooses not to.

It’s his duty to remain chained to his spot, holding up the sky and letting no harm come beyond the reach of his hands.

(Huh?)

(When did he start to think that it was his duty?)

(Sometime after he joined the soccer club, maybe…)

“No! Tenma! NO!” Shinsuke bursts out, tearing himself out of his thoughts to swirl on the boy that suddenly isn’t following him anymore, “get off that bridge! DOWN!”

Said boy has the gall to pout when Shinsuke reaches up to his coat and tug him right down in one smooth motion. 

“You’re such a bummer,” he whines, lips pursed. 

“You are  _ not _ going to get yourself drenched in river water before we even make it to school!” Shinsuke says a tone louder than he intended, but the irritation in his voice really sums up his experience this past month. 

“I won’t get wet,” Tenma says, like it’s obvious, “I’ll just fly.”

Shinsuke facepalms and just groans in defeat. 

He keeps a hand on the boy’s pant cuff the rest of the way. Tenma tries to pull away a few times, but Shinsuke’s grip is firm.

He is  _ not _ risking a single second.


	4. and god baton shows him.

“Take off your clothes, Tenma.”

There’s a startled gasp across the clubroom, and Kurumada chokes on his water. Sangoku fusses over the spilled drink, and Hamano runs to fetch a towel as the bottle cap goes flying right into Amagi’s goggles.

The rest of them swirl on Shindou, who looks impressively stoic despite what he just said.

“No touching,” Shinsuke says when he gathers his composure, his petite form standing guard in front of Tenma protectively.

“I make no promises,” Shindou returns with an equal amount of seriousness.

It's almost laughable. Their tiniest member is standing up to their captain  _ and he’s the more logical one, for some reason _ , and subject Tenma himself just looks confused.

Kirino has a feeling that they’re all horrifically misunderstanding something, but at this point Hayami is screaming, Kurama is demanding his money from the bets they made last month regarding Shindou’s sexuality, and Kurumada is in despair over his lost cash.

Kirino looks to the side and Akane’s camera is flashing repeatedly. Midori has her hands on Aoi’s shoulders (blue-haired is covering her eyes, face red) and she’s jittering in her spot, excited at the development.

What did he do to deserve this?

“Off with those clothes, Tenma,” Shindou says, and his voice is so firm he could be asking the boy to quit the soccer club and use the same tone, “take off your shoes while you’re at it.”

Suddenly, Aoi sets a fist on her palm in realization.

“That’s right,” she says, turning around sharply and making her way to the drawers, “Tenma, do as he says. I’ll fetch the first aid kit.”

And that’s when Shinsuke gets the clue. He’s the one that drags Tenma to the chair now, and glares at him until he willingly toes off his shoes, unbuttoning his gakuran.

Within seconds, Tenma is sat down, his socks are peeled off, and everyone in the room reflectively launch into varying degrees of yelps, grunts, and full-on lectures.

There are blisters, purple and green bruises like burns across the balls of his feet.

Kurama swears, Sangoku shouts ‘language’, and Hayami looks like he’s going to cry. It only gets worse when they find the bruises on his thin frame, and the scratches on his arms when he fell across the pavement this morning.

Shindou is calm as he sets to disinfect and bandage the wounds with Aoi’s help. 

“You need to learn to hold back, or your body won’t hold out,” Shindou says, voice calm despite the chaos in the clubroom. His eyes are fixed on a scar near Tenma’s knees. “Things are going to change from now on… you can’t keep going on like this.”

And he leaves those words in the air, for the ones who know to sink it in.

Tenma’s expressions are firm, Shinsuke’s gaze is sharp-- and watching this, Haruna narrows her eyes.


	5. and the sounds have colour.

For Shindou, the world didn’t always look like this.

The world wasn’t always so… so  _ colourful _ .

Kirino is the blue of the sky, and Sangoku is the red of the sunset. Tenma is a kind, fawn green-- just a shade lighter than Kurama’s olive colouring.

Coach Endou never has just one colour. 

It hurts his head to think about it day in and out, but Shindou finds it fascinating. Though he speaks with the same octave and is never shutting up about soccer, his voice is a different colour every time.

“Shindou, I’m coming in.”

Shindou grunts sharply against the back of the couch, suppressing some sort of strangled moan when the movement makes a pain shoot up his cranium.

His bad days are bad.

Everything from the creak of the door to the clutter of the fan to the whirr of the air conditioning drives him mad. The colours won’t go away even beyond his eyelids and even when he presses against his eyes so hard he wished he just went blind instead.

The nausea makes him want to throw up, the heat gathering in his neck and making the world too hot, too hot, too cold, too uncomfortable.

On days like these he can’t even get out of his bed, downing too many painkillers for the pain that just doesn’t go away.

He shuts off every light, turns down every electronic, and finds himself in a corner of the house until Kirino eases him out of there, whispering sweet nothings and pressing kisses into his forehead, brushing back sweat and tear-soaked bangs from his face.

They curl up on the couch again, Shindou’s head in Kirino’s lap, the defender threading fingers through the Captain’s hair-- and there they breathe, because though there’s nothing anyone can do for his migraine, Shindou soaks in the love.


	6. to the heavens he soars.

As small as Shinsuke is, he can jump.

It happens one day, when a ball flew too far across the field and heads straight for a passing girl. Kurama, the one who shot it, yells in alarm, but the girl freezes up. She’s trapped between a mild panicked phone call and other things like a kitten at her feet.

She doesn’t make the escape, but she didn’t need to.

Shinsuke is there, launching into her direction and punching the ball out of the way. He whirls quickly, asking if she’s alright.

They all know Shinsuke’s a great jumper. He can jump over their heads, can probably leap up a flight of stairs if he had a runup.

But that-- that’s abnormal.

He had a long runup, sure-- but that was a small _ hill  _ he soared across. Tall enough to tower the roof of the bench area. 

Heck-- even Tsurugi, the uncooperative bastard, lets his mouth fall open in shock.

Shindou sets a hand on the ground-- and no one misses the indent Shinsuke’s foot left behind, sunken in like a print in mud, a fissure cracking in its borders.

A little crater, like a rocket had been launched out of it.

Collectively, people gulp.

Amagi suggests that it’s the birth of a new hissatsu of some sort, and everyone accepts it joyfully, excited to discover what it could mean and how it could be utilized.

Shindou’s eyes meet Tenma’s, then together they turn to Shinsuke, who looks right back with a muted recognition-- and an understanding flashes across them.

_ Something’s wrong _ , the words are there, and Shindou didn’t need to say them again.  _ And we’ll need to brace ourselves for it… soon _ .


	7. and the difficulties rise.

Tenma chases the wind in a storm, and Tsurugi finds him.

It’s not the first time the Seed yells at him, but it’s certainly the first time Tenma’s seen the boy look so terrified. It’s something about being reckless and dumb and acting like an idiot, but Tenma can’t quite hear him over the rain.

The storm is so strong, the rain pelts so hard, Tenma is soaked to the bone.

Tsurugi’s hair is disheveled, his coat is gone, and his hands on Tenma’s shoulder grip hard, strong, fearful.

He doesn’t let Tenma tell him he’s alright. Because he isn’t.

This isn’t normal. This isn’t normal even if Tenma thinks he  _ needs _ it. His body is cold, freezing, shivering, yet all he can think of is how he wants to run with the wind.

To him, the wind itself is alive, and it’s only when he runs with it that the wind is happy.

He lets Tsurugi lead him to the underpass, out of the rain-- and there, Tsurugi breaks.

They’re not close. They’d only barely gotten past the ‘let’s not kick balls at me anymore’ phase, but Tsurugi has always had a trauma against suicidal behaviour and this is one of them.

Tenma doesn’t tell him that he’s being a hypocrite.

They all see the way he brandishes a small pen knife between his fingers, the way his eyes gleam golden in the darkness, and in the way he stares at the others like he hungered,  _ craved _ for something sweeter than the water they could drink.

Tsurugi can’t handle going long without satiating himself, so why is he criticising Tenma for indulging in the pleasures?

Ah.

They’re both idiots, then.


	8. the captain's responsibility.

Shindou can see everything.

It’s not uncommon for football players, or any athlete in ball games in general, to train their peripheral vision. 

There have even been epithets like  _ Eagle Eye  _ passing through players with a dexterity for it.  _ God’s Baton _ was one of them, too.

Shindou knows exactly when Shinsuke isn’t jumping as high, or Tenma’s arms aren’t moving in the same velocity. He can tell the minor flinches Tsurugi makes against the sun, and know exactly when Kirino can’t breathe through his anxiety.

And he makes the appropriate adjustments every time. He makes sure Tenma and Shinsuke gets a nice, warm soak in a salt bath, with Midori and Nishiki giving them a massage they’ll never forget so they’d learn to never overstrain their muscles after that.

(It’s getting less effective, though. He needs to think of something new…)

He gives Tsurugi appropriate, though suspiciously frequent breaks, so he can get out of the sun, chew on something juicier, or set himself back on the understanding that he isn’t in a battlefield.

Most of all, he sets Shinsuke and Tenma on Kirino, sentencing the pink-haired boy to the world's most suffocating cuddle pile until he feels confident in himself again.

Coach Kidou has him signed for a monthly dosage of pain medication, and somehow, Shindou can tell that it’s not a normal brand. It’s special, just for them, and it’s the only kind that actually works.

Their generation is stranger-- more  _ paranormal _ , one could say. Time travelling, Miximaxing, and having Avatars or Souls was certainly a new bran d of very strange-- it made sense that the symptoms differed.


	9. when your throat flames up.

Tsurugi coughs, and there’s blood. 

He stares at his red-stained palm for a second before the whole club erupts in panicked shouts. Coach Endou is there first, pressing a towel at his mouth before it drips further and stains his clothes.

Literally everyone is on his case, someone running to get another, not white towel, and other people fetching the first aid kid and generally knocking over chairs entirely flustered.

It’s a delightful change from their usual ‘asshole Seed’ treatment against Tsurugi, but the boy in question is too stuck in a coughing fit to let that register.

It sounds wet and painful, and even though they still bear resentment for him and everything he did, it was worrying. 

Tsurugi leans heavily into Tenma’s shoulders when the coach hands him off to the boy, and Tenma agonizes knowing he can do nothing but hold on to his trembling figure.

Kidou steps out to make a call, and Endou fishes through his bag for a tin of hard candy.

They don’t practice that day. 

They lay Tsurugi down on the couch, head on Tenma’s lap and Shinsuke laying on his stomach, wrapped up in warm blankets. They listen to Shindou play some notes on the piano app on his phone, with Kirino and Hamano humming a gentle harmony to it, while Hayami and Kurumada beat out the percussion on the bench, floor and table. 

Everyone else sprawled around in different parts of the room, the lights dimmed to orange and everyone simply enjoying the ambience.

Endou is glad that this time around, the whole team is with them. No one is alone in anything, not even a former enemy.

Later, Kiyama Hiroto comes by with a variety of advice for Tsurugi’s swollen throat. 

They find that Tsurugi likes mint better than Endou’s too-sweet fruit candy. Tenma mentions that that must sting a lot, and Tsurugi fails to see the problem.


End file.
